I finally found a good way to describe the weight that I am trying to rid myself of with this Lighten Up initiative. And I found it in the work of the famous sci fi author William Gibson. I was re-reading Pattern Recognition. The main character uses her pattern recognition skills to hunt "cool" and recognize whether or not proposed corporate logos "work" for the marketplace. But, in the beginning of Chapter 23, she finds herself in a bit of a funk (for all kinds of reasons that I won't go into here) and it all crystallizes into a revelation.
"...Cayce know that she is, and has long been, complicit. Though in what, exactly, is harder to say." (p194 of the Berkley Trade Paperback edition) The next paragraph goes on to say that she knows too much about the processes that surround her role and it sometimes seems that there is nothing else going on in the entire world but product positioning to influence consumers.
Her complicity is different than mine. I'm complicit in the way Corporate America encourages a world view in its employees that is based on financial dependence and school yard political behavior. I'm complicit in the rampant disposable consumerism, in which I still occasionally participate. I'm complicit in all aspects of our oil based culture - from government policies towards oil producing companies to the environmental after effects. I'm complicit in the fascination with the youth = beauty culture, with which I have several vigorous disagreements. I'm complicit in the silly water use that my desert home encourages with green lawns. And all of this complicity tugs at me - sometimes gently, sometimes violently - and tries to pull me in different directions.
I do understand the draw of all of these things. I see the advantages to following the paths they create. But, for whatever reason, I can't accept that these paths lead me to where I want to go.
So, in essence, Lighten Up is about reducing not just the weight of my complicity but the internal conflict that I feel in response to it . And that covers a lot of territory - as we've seen in this years' posts so far. The interesting thing about thinking about it this way is that I'm not sure when or where it will stop. But at least that will ensure, as the ever wise PL pointed out to me today, that I have plenty of projects to tackle at any given time. And you know me... I have to be bored.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
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