Hoarding

Sometimes it takes another pair of eyes. My father-in-law commented on this stack of books and then - in an unrelated conversation - reminded me that sometimes we can appear to be superficially fine while not actually handling events well. This stack of books is a perfect example.

I work for a corporation this is undergoing a major culture change. They have maintained an "old school" business model – defined benefit plan retirement, substantial rewards for longevity, promoting primarily from within, making decisions based on relationships and hierarchy. The “stick with us, we’ll take care of you” model. This model was very common 20 years ago in all industries. It has been gradually disappearing from publicly traded companies for 10 or more years now, depending on the industry. It is disappearing very rapidly at my current place of employment.

For me, dealing with change is fairly normal. I am the kind of problem solver that is often hired to work through this kind of change. It has been a part of every job that I have ever done. The cycle of work for someone like me is such that my husband and I always have money set aside for my potential job loss. In this case, I anticipate that to occur with the next 6-12 months, with a nice severance package. Since this is just about as long as I think I can handle the current working environment, it should be perfect. Ask me, and I'll tell you that I'm fine with this change.

That stack of books says that I'm not fine. What you see there is 1/2 of the books that I've bought in the last month. I've been buying new books before even finishing the books that I've already bought - which is not normal for me. I buy just about anything that strikes me. I'm completely out of control. I'm buying books like there is no tomorrow - which is really my point.

When I leave my current job, my next job will be as support staff for our new small business. To diversify our income, I may do other jobs - short contracts, corporate teaching, or seasonal work. But for the most part, our family income will come from my husband's work and I will not be making any money.

Intellectually, I know that worrying about this is silly. The business is doing very well. We've been through the slow season and seen that there is still money to be made even then. We're conservative in our spending (despite my recent book spree) and need very little income to meet our current lifestyle. I will always find ways to save money and generate more income as needed. Thinking logically and rationally, there is no reason to be concerned. The stacks of books around the house are not helping me think that way.

So, I'll avoid Amazon and the bookstores for a while. I'll read what I have and let you know how I like them. With such a large stack of books, by the time I'm done with these, my whole world may well have changed anyway.