Handle With Care - Part 1

Despite the fact that I've been busy and on the road, I've still been thinking about the principles of Havenology. An underlying premise of haven building is care - both in terms of concern for someone and also caution. Since care is the ultimate foundation of havens, it springs up everywhere. But, interestingly enough, caring is one of those things that works well whether you want to build a haven or just get through the week.

So, for the first "Handle With Care" item, let's talk about something that is currently near and dear to my heart. Relationships. Not new relationships or superficial relationships or casual relationships. I'm talking about serious, long term relationships. Family, spouses, long term friends. The people who can be depended upon to love you regardless of how badly you behave... right?

And I guess that is my point. We often save our worst behavior for those closest to us. I had a meltdown this morning because I couldn't get my priorities straight and was feeling tugged in eleventeen directions. Who got the brunt of that hissy fit? My poor HTH. Why? Seriously - I'm asking. Is that loving? Is that expressing my concern for his well being or appreciation of his fabulous qualities? Nope. Is that inherently stupid and mildly damaging to my relationship and - consequently - t0 my own happiness? You betcha. Bad news all around.

The good news is that I've gotten much better about the stupid hissies. Because I've come to understand that just because someone WILL put up with my bad behavior doesn't mean that they should have to do it! Remembering that has helped me to learn to control the flashes of irritation that occur at any little thing when I'm tired or sick or jut overwhelmed. I've even managed to figure out that I can usually wait until that burst of irritation has passed before deciding if something needs to be said.

This is, I should point out for those who don't know, not at all natural for me, but I'm learning. Why? Because it is important to me that the people I love are handled with care. Because a haven is only a haven if the people I love are safe from the unwarranted hissy fits.